This year I resolve to make some changes at work. I’m tired of people ignoring my ideas, and asking me to do things that they should be doing themselves, and doing things badly. But whenever I tell people what they’re doing wrong, it just makes things worse. Help me get these people straightened out!
Not the boss
I understand how frustrating it can be when others don’t seem to understand your messages. Maybe you are framing the problems in ways that upset others; try framing the situations in terms of what you need, and what you are able to do. I find that we can’t change others- we can just change how we interact with them. And I try not to use a bark unless it is really necessary.
Your friend, Jane
Assertiveness is needed! Do you have a right to say what you want or need, or to tell someone that you are uncomfortable, or that you want a behavior to stop? Of course you do. What probably stops most people from doing these things is the fear that they will make the other person angry, and that the situation can become worse. The key to assertiveness is to make your statements in ways that maintain your dignity and integrity and don’t harm or attack the other person. A quick guide is this: Begin your sentence with “I”, rather than with ‘you’. Saying “I don’t want you to speak to me that way; it makes me uncomfortable” is assertive. Saying “You sound like a bully when you say that and you have to stop.” is aggressive.
You can do this. Call us at 202-298-7700 for help.